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He never gave her a formal disclosure of his sexual history and continued to act out sexually.

Even when a situation as destructive as sex addiction is present, a partner should not leave a marriage in haste, despite what friends or family may urge.

Sam had forgotten to log out of his secret e-mail account, the one he used to schedule hook-ups with escorts, exotic masseuses, and women he met in online chat rooms.

Stephanie found the password to Sam's account and was soon checking it several times a day. "Everyone says I should leave." Stephanie had good reasons for wanting to end her marriage.

Snooping through the addict's belongings, calling multiple times a day to check the addict's whereabouts, telling the addict's therapist how to treat the addict, are all understandable responses to trauma, but can actually be re-traumatizing, in addition to shifting the focus from where it needs to be: on the co-addict. Even if she decides to stay, she needs to set personal goals that will enhance her life.

The co-addict must learn the only person she can control is herself. This may mean taking charge of finances, seeking paid work, developing a self-care program, nurturing relationships with friends and family.

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